Returning to Denver: Part II

On new years, the night of the end of the first day, of the new year...memories flooded my brains receptors...
I was suddenly aware that for months I have been in a state of shock. I have not been able to fully process or comprehend the events that my life had experienced. I went through more let downs and beat-downs than I had ever been through, in my whole life. Signs would line up, beautifully, fluidly, and then the illusion would come crashing down at the last minute, leaving me weary, tired, bedraggled, and at a loss for words. There is no way to explain in words, what my family and I went through. Life, or death, was throwing us around like a ping pong ball in the universe.
I felt cursed, I thought it would never end, when my spirit was thoroughly broken, I withdrew. I stopped trying. The little warrior girl inside me had been sleeping so long, that her strength had died away, with the fading of her callouses, and her scars. I knew this was a test, and that it had only begun. I knew that the deterioration of the system was falling apart rapidly, and that I had to grow a backbone soon. But I did nothing, and Kali the goddess of death and decay, laughed at me. She laughed at us all. She tried to dance with me but I ran, she tried to kill me but I ran. She tried to show me her face, but I screamed. And now, I wish I had just danced with her.
Now here I sit, knowingly understanding that it has just begun...that this is only a pause in the greater struggle. That I must be strong, I must not fall, or brood. I can't let anything get the best of me. That little warrior girl inside, needs to grow up.

Sky

Returning to Denver: My childhood hometown

November 21, 2007 - Wednesday

Many events have torn through my life like a harsh wind on a winters day...
I have been homeless, on the road, jobless, and full of dreams. I have seen many of my old homes, places I used to call my backyard, my home, my heartland. I have slipped back into time, for a fraction of my life's rhyme, and I have wonderered many a time, where am I going? I have seen old friends, who haven't changed a bit, and family I was too young to remember. I have been scared, and worn, tired and weary, and at times, utterly hopeless. I have cried, I have laughed, I've vegged in front of a motel TV watching CSI. I've grown, and yet somehow I'm younger. More innocent in realizing that I will always be ignorant, no matter how grand my knowledge. I have seen my family a victim of carthieves, and tool thieves, and wished I could have done somthing. I have gained family, and camped in the rain. I have been selfish, and rude, and careless...and humbled in my own right.
I have travelled through many lands, and stayed in a motel from the 1900's...unable to sleep and feeling the carpet stick to my feet. I have smiled at strangers, and came upon a pack of doe in a rest stop...locking eyes with the buck, I watched his glowing eyes as he paused, and then moved on.
I have seen endless miles of yellow flatlands, and rolling foothills, imagining they were a giants feet. I have seen the Joshua trees, and marvelled at their resemblence to brocolli...
I've climbed mountains, and passed through tunnels, but of course I wasn't the driver.
And in the end, I was able to pause, before I continued on my journey, to rest in the comfort of family, and take stock of my resources. As I now sit here, the colorado snow stops falling, it blankets the city in white, and the sky clears of gray clouds.