Eating raw food: Its all about attitude; Part III

In my previous blog, I wrote about my first social experience on this diet, and how it has impacted me.

Over the holidays this year, during Christmas, my family and my fiance an
d I were invited to a family Christmas dinner, at my Uncle's and his girlfriends house.
My uncles girlfriend(I'll call her S)had given my mom and dad a Whole Foods gift card, and told my mom to buy her and I a special raw fish feast for the holiday dinner, so we wouldn't feel left out.
My mom had bought Ahi tuna, salmon, seaweed, raw sheeps milk cheese, cucumber, avocado, and various other little treats. S joined us in our raw food dinner, and didn't even eat any of the turkey, or cooked food the guys were indulging in. She enjoyed it very much, and even wanted to start eating it more often.
My mom and I on the other hand had a very different experience; we began to feel slightly nauseous from eating the raw fish, and it felt like there were rocks sitting in our stomachs.
All I wanted was my raw ground beef, and I really felt like my instincts were telling me not to eat raw fish anymore.
My mom and I felt that our instincts were confirmed after reading this post on Live-Food(a group ran by Vinni Pinto) Recipe For Disaster
You can also join the group, and learn more about this diet.

I have learned that people just want you to be apart of things. Good friends and family will go out of their way to integrate you into their lives, no matter how different you are, or how you eat.

In my experiences, few times have I had blatantly horrified and rude people, attacking me for my way of life.

When I was working at St. Vincent De Paul in Seattle, WA, there was a woman there who I worked shifts with. When she found out that I ate raw meat, she was so shocked and horrified that she went around literally yelling it to my entire crew, and telling them to come look at what I was eating. At first, I felt pretty alienated...but I took it in stride, and no matter what she said to me, I counteracted her words with positives. As her and I started working together more, she actually told me that she thought it was really cool that she knew someone who ate raw meat, and that she liked the fact I was different. She also told me that she may have thought I was weird at first; but she thought I was just so nice and kind that she really didn't think I was that weird anymore.

In my opinion, the way the vegans and vegetarians eat is detrimental to their health; but I will defend their right to eat that way. Why? Because it is everyone's personal right to live life how they want, and I can understand that some people literally cannot bring themselves to harm animals, because their conscious will attack them. No; I do not think it is healthy, but it is not my right to tell them how to live their lives. The only thing I can do is recommend healthy supplements for the health problems caused by such diets.

Over time; I have come to a lot of realizations, and I have had mini-battles in myself over eating my food in front of others; on occasions such as work lunches. But I know, that as long as I have pride, and confidence, that people will not look at me like an alien, but a person with a different way of life.

Eating raw food: Its all about attitude; Part II

In my original blog; called; Eating raw food: Its all about attitude: Posted on; Thursday, August 9, 2007
I wrote about my perspective, and experiences eating raw meat.
That was 5 months ago; in this post I am writing about my first social experience on the RVAF diet.

In march, before this blog was put out; I moved to Illinois to be with my current fiance. I moved in with his friends, a couple and their 3 year old.
I had only been on the diet for about a month at the time, but the couple was very accepting of it. The wife(I'll call her A)was especially "protective" of my diet.

One day her husband(I'll call him R)and my fiance and I went to pick up my meat from the grocery store. R noticed that the ground beef in the bulk butcher section was on sale for only $1.99 lb. So I got a huge package of 5 lbs, and we went home.
On our way home, R decided to randomly tell me that the reason it was so cheap, is because it was all the meat that was going bad, ground up and set out. Needless to say I was a LITTLE mad, that he failed to tell me this when we were at the grocery store.
When we got home I opened the package, and took a bite. It was DISGUSTING; it tasted like old warm mushy nastiness.
My boyfriend Sam had asked me if he could make a cooked hamburger with it. I said yes; as he proceeded to pat the ground beef into a patty, it was so mushy and gross he was horrified, and couldn't even bring himself to make a burger with it.

A was very mad, and told me; "We're gonna take that meat back, and if they won't let you return it, I'll tell them that you eat raw meat, and this meat is old and gross and you want a refund!" She also told me we could try Aldi's meat(the local poor people grocery outlet)and that she would cover me and we could poke a hole in one of their meat packages and I could take a bite and see if it was any good.
Her husband R was horrified; "A! You can't do that, are you really going to do that? You better not poke a hole in the meat and eat it!" A and I laughed and winked at each other as we told R; "Uh sure we won't..."
We went to the grocery store and returned my meat, only to find out that the good meat was the same price as the gross meat.
We picked up 5 packages; at the time I only ate one pound a day, of 15% fat ground chuck.
A and I drove over to Aldi's, and we walked in; meandering around, pretending to check everything out. We went by the meat cooler, and A stood in front of me; I was too nervous to poke the hole in the meat package myself; so A did it for me and handed me a chunk of ground beef.
I popped it in my mouth; it wasn't terrible, but it sure wasn't good. I shook my head at her; "no."
Then we walked our happy butts back to the SUV and headed home.
Of course when we told her husband R what we'd done, he was horrified, and proceeded to berate us for our illegal activities.

A few days later A did something I would have never expected ANYONE to do...
Now A was very motherly, she liked to cook for everyone, make sure the house was immaculate, do everyone's laundry....etc.
Unfortunately I'm the same way; just a little more specific about how I do things. My laundry is mostly high quality vintage and couture clothes, therefore only jeans and t-shirts can be washed in the washer.
She attempted to do my laundry one morning, and as I was coming down the stairs, I stepped into the kitchen and she told me she was loading my laundry. I was horrified, and ran up to her and started to grab my delicates out of her evil crappy washer. I thanked her, but politely let her know that the clothes couldn't be washed in a washer.
I then went to get my food out of the fridge; suddenly she cuts in front of me, and tells me she made my breakfast. She then opens the fridge, and hands me a plate with ground beef lettuce wraps with plastic wrap over them.
I am in shock, horror, speechless...
She had even poured balsamic vineger, and salt and pepper on them, grated carrot, and sliced up radishes. She had prepared them just as she'd seen me do. Needless to say I could not believe that someone had actually made me my raw meat breakfast...
At this point in my diet I was still very much into putting preparation in my food, because I was still slightly squeamish about the taste of my ground beef.
I was horrified at the fact that someone else's hands had prepared MY ground beef. I mean it was raw, I only wanted my hands to touch it; it felt like an invasion...

Although it was awkward and unsettling, I really appreciate A's efforts to make me feel at home, and included in things.
R and S were the first people I ever ate my raw meat in front of, and because of their kindness and non-judgmental attitude, I really feel that it helped my confidence in my social experiences on my diet.

In my next blog I'll cover my most recent social experiences, and how my family reacts to my way of life.

Family & Hospitals

At some points in your life, when you feel like your completely losing it, like nothing else could possibly go wrong...like life just keeps attacking you; these are the times when you realize that family can be the most important thing in your life.
These are the times, that when you think you have no one you realize you have more than you could ask for.

Last night my bestfriend in the whole world, my fiance, my soulmate, my fucking everything could have died. He had a burst appendix for 2 days and had no idea, and we just found out yesterday when he ran out of pain meds for his back, and suddenly started feeling the pain in his stomach worse than he had the whole week of stomach pain. He came into my work, doubled over in pain, bringing me my water and a Lara bar, and was going to head off to work.
He told me what he suspected was the case, and I started to cry, because he told me they were gonna cut him open. I begged him to call my mom, and head straight to the hospital.

He never called my mom, and never went to the hospital.
I called my mom, and asked her what appendicitis was, and if it was burst, what would happen? She told me to get off the phone and make him go to the hospital; that he could die. I started to cry again, I thought this isn't real, it can't be happening. I called Sam, and told him, argued, fought with him to go to the hospital. He finally conceded.

For hours after that phone call I held back tears, wondering what was happening, was he okay? Was it a burst appendix? Would they cut him open? Would he die? My work associate wouldn't let me leave with him, even though he could hardly walk, and he had to drive himself to the hospital.

When we had closed the doors of the store, I called him; and he was doped up, heading into surgery. I couldn't be there to hold his hand, to tell him it was going to be okay...
When we were done closing my work associate drove me to the hospital, and I ran in, asking where he was. I was directed to surgery waiting, which was empty. I talked to a doctor, who called another doctor, and he steered me towards another room. Another doctor stopped us and told us to follow her, that my fiance was having a break before he went back into surgery, to hurry.

I practically ran, and when I got there, we were in a lobby outside of surgery, and I don't remember anything besides seeing his face under the scrubs, and I dropped all my stuff, and ran to him. I burst into tears and laid my head on his chest. He told me it would be alright, to stop crying, but I told him I couldn't when I had to see him like this. He told me I'm his soulmate, and everything would be okay. I sobbed, and vaguely heard the doctors behind me chatting...I don't remember any of their faces, just that they were there. Then they told me my time was up, and wheeled him into surgery. I couldn't watch them take him away, I kissed him bye and turned away.

A doctor directed me to surgery waiting, and I quietly cried as we walked there. I sat in the empty waiting room, filled with ugly floral patterned chairs and nightmarish carpet..I felt like I was in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, when Johnny Dep was hallucinating the carpet was growing vines and crawling.
I cried and cried and tried to rationalize with myself, I wrote a dreadfully bad poem and read a girly magazine.

I had been so caught up I'd forgotten to get Sam's mom's phone number, and luckily one of the doctors came in and gave me her phone number.
Her and I talked for an hour or more, about Sam, and how much he's grown and changed, and how proud of him we were. It was the first time her and I really talked, and it was only awkward for a few mins, when someone you love is in peril, it really brings people together.

I waited for hours for him, I couldn't turn on the TV, I couldn't think really. I just sat there, pondering whether I should lay on the three seats next to me and try to nap. I just knew that was never gonna happen. Finally the doctors updated me, while I was talking to Theresa(Sam's mom)they told me he was done, and that they would bring him up to his room in about an hour. Then another doctor came in, and directed me to his room, so I could wait for him.

Several hours later, after they moved me from his room to the nearby waiting room, they informed me I could see him. What I was expecting was a heartfelt relief, but what I got was Sam all the way. He was yelling, crying, screaming at the nurses. Threatening to sue, to transfer hospitals, to sign himself out, begging for pain meds. Needless to say, it was quit an embarassing nightmare. No matter what I did, I couldn't calm him.
As the night continued, he calmed down, and got his pain medicine. He fell asleep, dead asleep. After around 2:30, I said my goodbyes, and headed home in a taxi.

The Taxi driver was an asshole, he was mad at me because I didn't tip him.

The next day, I received a barrage of phone calls, that didn't end, all day. My family, and friends checking up on me, giving me support.

I lost my job as well, because the next day I was scheduled to work, and never showed, although I had completely forgotten because of all the insanity. When I called them they told me I didn't call or show, and someone had to cover my shift, and so I "Quit on them". Which is bullshit. And then they asked me how my b/f was.

It was a family emergency, and they fired me. I got off the phone and cried, and cried, and called Sam, and cried more. I talked to my mom, and Tasia, and they helped to calm me a bit.

My fears; how can I pay for anything when Sam's going to be out of work for 6 weeks?

How could this happen…

Later, around 8:00 Tasia called and asked if I could house Kyle for the night, until he got to the bus stop back to Wyoming. Apparently this girl asked him to come visit her, and then her mom told her no at the last minute. He was about to transfer to the Chicago bus, but checked his phone right before, and saw her message; "Go back home."

He was stranded in Denver, in a snowstorm, so of course I said he could stay.

I was rather relieved I had someone else here, so I wouldn't wallow and focus on my problems.

Denver is so different from Seattle; as Kyle was on his way here, walking to the bus stop, a man started following him. He asked him; "Hey, how are you?" Kyle said; "I'm cold and angry."

The guy didn't get the picture, and kept following Kyle. Now just for all those who don't know, Kyle is flaming gay. So, the guy suddenly comes up next to him, and sticks his hand in Kyle's front pocket, and tries to grab his manhood! Kyle turns around, socks him in the face, and lays him flat. The guy is laying face down in the snow. Kyle said he could tell the guy was on drugs. Kyle continued walking.

This sort of thing would NEVER happen in Seattle. Some girls from work were telling me the guys at the clubs are so disrespectful they will grab girls tits, and asses w/out their consent, or knowledge. It kinda horrifies me.

Every city is different, but I have come to find that out of all the cities I've lived in, Seattle is the most polite.

Although it takes people a bit to open up, and making friends is harder than breaking into Fort Knox, when you ask someone on the street for directions; not only will they give you the history of the place, but where its at, and how the atmosphere is. In some ways I really do miss my city. I think a piece of my heart will always be saved for Seattle.

Currently Sam is going through a circus at the hospital, and his doctor has me so unbelievably pissed that I want to sue his ass. They will give him a higher pain med dose, and then suddenly take him off everything, when he begs them to put him back on, and he's crying in pain, they will finally put him back on. This has happened about 4-5 times. They won't even let him get one night's sleep, they keep waking him up every few hours.

His doctor keeps changing his mind about the prescription he's giving him to take home, and how many pills he's getting. His doctor has changed his mind NUMEROUS times about whether he gets to leave today, yesterday, tomorrow, in a week etc. Its been a roller-coaster ride. They've even changed his RECOVERY time. How can you change recovery time? Its been 2 weeks, then 4, then six. And six weeks is what they told me right after he got out of surgery. These people are sick. I've gotten plenty of stories from my cousin Tasia as well, that Swedish medical hospital is evil.

Our van broke down, several days ago, so we've been using my aunts truck. Taz gets back from Canada today, and my parents are picking her up. They will be coming down to visit us, and work on the van since Sam is incapacitated.

We were really hoping that we'd be able to move out, in a month. But it doesn't look like that's gonna happen.

I was on my cell-phone so much yesterday that I got a terrible headache, and I was very sick by the time I made it to bed. All I know is that I don't know what I would do w/out my family and friends. They mean the world to me, and w/out their support I think I would have been crying through this whole ordeal.

Tasia, Mimi, and even Kyle, I just want to thank you guys, because w/out the people in my life I don't how I would have made it through everything.

Kyle cheered me up, and Tasia and Mimi you two are just really amazing, thanks for all your support.

I know none of my family besides my mom reads my blog; but I'd also like to thank my dad, my mom, Sam's mom, my Grandma Charlotte, my Grandma Schilling, and Taz; for being there for me and Sam, and for holding Sam in your Prayers, thoughts, and hearts. And mom, you were there for me every step of the way.

Well; this concludes that part of my story, I'll be busy all day today taking care of Sam when they release him, and visiting w/ my parents, Nikki, and Taz.

Peace,
Sky

Wake up: Steps toward consciousness

How do you become conscious?
You may think that you are currently aware of your surroundings, what's going on in your life, and that you have full control of your current situation...
I could be wrong though, you may have absolutely no idea what's going on, and your crying out for help, wondering what life is all about? Maybe your a complete mess!
Whatever your situation; these simple things will help crank up your consciousness levels.

Here you are, sitting at your computer, in your room, maybe your living room or kitchen, reading this blog. Look around you, what kind of drink are you drinking? Are you even drinking anything, does your body need water? What's sitting on your desk?
What does your desk look like?
What is hanging on your walls?
What is the texture of your carpet?
Is everything neat and organized, or a catastrophe?

No...really LOOK at things. Just because you KNOW what's sitting on your desk, or in your closet, or pantry, doesn't mean you really acknowledge its existence.
Seriously pay attention, look past that slight blur of disinterest hazing your vision.
Sharpen those pupils, put on your glasses, check out that cup your drinking out of.

When you leave your house to run errands, pay attention to your steps, to the things around you. Make sure your really breathing.

A good test, go to the grocery store, and go to the produce section. Whenever you see something you've never tasted or smelled, pick it up, analyze it, smell it, feel the texture, the weight, the color. Look at everything around you, really focus on things.

To break out of that routine unconscious haze requires doing things you've never tried before.
I'm not talking about skydiving; it always blows my mind how people think that's breaking out of a box. I'm also not talking about going to a new restaurant for lunch, although that helps.
Maybe there's a little antique or thrift shop you've always wanted to go into, and maybe you finally go in. Try on one of those vintage outfits, or really pay attention to how cool all the old magazines and signs are. Imagine yourself in another time period, and imagine what it would be like.
Maybe go up to the mountains or your local park, get a local plant guide for your area, and learn your surroundings. Actually learn the qualities and names of your local flowers and weeds.

Now this is only a few ideas on how to break out of your boxes, but another very important factor in consciousness, is your inner life.
How often do you pay attention to your pets?
When was the last time you took your kid to the park, or went on a date with your other half?
How clean is your house?
Maybe instead of going to jack-in-the-box for lunch, learn how to make a new dish and cook it the night before work.
How healthy do you think your eating?

These are just a few simple things on how to stay conscious, as you move forward, and become more aware, you will start to interact with your own life more, instead of being a bystander.
What are your ideas about being conscious?

Starphyre's Poetry: Family

What is a city, but a distraction? A quick interaction between millions of faces, but a only a fraction will be the friends we have attraction, like magnets among tin, the connection is slim; the odds are grim, we touch bases not as a friend; but a number in a grid...
I rid myself of numbers, and now I am left with only family, and nothing is as we planned it to be.
We soon see, that even a few of you and me; is friction and discord, but without each other disconnection is our only story, and how many stories can one man tell of hermatage in a cell; and to who will he recite his deeds but to a wall, and his reflection in a well.